Six stages

“I can’t move anything. I didn’t go blind as I can see the green light of the clock. I am not dead either because I am still breathing and thinking and I can hear my own voice when I am calling out for help.
One moment I was driving home from work, listening to the great match, the next I am lying here in my car unable to move. Canned like a bloody sardine. Good that I am not claustrophobic. Someone must have planted a bomb under the wrong car. You hear so much on the news about these maniacs. Any old cause will do. Animal liberation, Religion, Pro-lifers or just not feeling so good. No! That’s too far fetched. I know! This must be it! The Big Quake. Stupid old me. Living all my life in San Francisco and not immediately knowing the obvious. I feel a bit silly now always having joined in the joking about the “big one” and complaining about the costs of making all the infrastructure earthquake safe. I remember now. I was just going over the bridge and then everything went black.

I wonder what’s going to happen now? They surely must come and rescue me soon? Good God, look at the time!  How long have I been here? It has been hours or maybe even days. I’m getting hungry now. But the thirst is worse. How long can a person survive without water? What was it what I read about this guy in Russia? He came out of a mine after 10 days and still made it. I’ve got to do something to stop myself thinking about food and drink. Let me think about something nice. The Party. Yes, let me go through all the preparations for our 25th wedding anniversary again. Mary has been talking about nothing else for months. Unbelievable to have been married for a quarter of a century. A lovely woman my Mary. It’s a shame you can’t hold on to that great passion from the beginning. But she gave me two beautiful girls who have turned out rather well if I may say so. I can’t complain, they are both fending for themselves. I never minded being the only man in the house. They do moan about my clothes though. But the Party. We are having a great band and the best catering in town. Maybe even hire the club grounds for it. I will…I will nothing!! Not cooped up as I am now. Help can anyone hear me? I can hear the wind outside.

What is keeping them? I am too young to die. Only 53. No, they will come in time. They must have practised this a hundred times. How long can it take to move a few slabs of concrete with all the modern technology and big machines they have nowadays. I still have so much to live for. Mary, the girls, Angela. Oh, Angela what is going to become of you and the boy if I die? You will probably only find out about it when you see it on the news or read it in the paper. Man crushed to death under a bridge. I should have made provisions for them a long time ago but who thinks of dying when they are perfectly healthy? I have always looked after myself. Eaten properly. Done some sport. Still got all my own teeth for heaven’s sake! God. I tried not to hurt anyone. Kept my two lives completely separate all those years. Never wanted to upset Mary. I still love her, but it is so different from what I feel for Angela. We both tried to fight it. I’ve got to stay alive to sort this mess out. But how do you sort out the fact that you love two women at the same time?

Where are these guys? They have probably already given up looking for survivors. People just do not know how to do a proper job anymore. No determination, no stamina. They quit without ever really trying. They probably don’t want to do overtime, bloody unions! I can almost see them sitting around a fire drinking cups of coffee and complaining about work conditions. I have almost stopped feeling hungry now. But I am still thirsty. Don’t give up! Don’t leave me here to die!
And why did the bridge collapse anyways? What do we pay all those taxes for? Probably to line the pockets of the city council. Spent on partying and entertaining loose women I bet. I hate them. They should be buried under a few tons of rubble, see how they like it! If I ever get out of here I will get to the bottom of it. Nail them to the cross. Start u crusade against fraud.

What am I talking about? I will never get out of here.I should be lucky if they even ever find my body. All that hard work. Saving up for my pension. Trying to be a good citizen. To end like this. People will soon forget I ever existed. Angela will find some other guy. She is so beautiful. After a few years, the boy will not even remember my face. Mary will perhaps even learn to enjoy being a rich widow.

Well, it seems to be getting darker. This must be it then. I have always wondered what it would be like to die. Certainly did not think it would be so dark and cold. Always read about this warm bright light at the end of a tunnel. Guess I must be heading for the other place then. Mary, Angela don’t be sad. I love you both. I don’t want to go to hell. Or am I there already? I…can’t…stay ..awake..any long….”

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